Bramell, Party of Five: Twin Tuesday

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Twin Tuesday

So, it's been a long time since I went on a blog rant here.  Dear friends, I've found just the thing to set me off.  Get comfy because this may take awhile.

As I was scanning my Facebook feed last night, I found this jewel: My Wife is Expecting Twins and I Am Not Happy About It from a recent edition of The Huffington Post.  Stop what you are doing and read it so you will understand the rest of my post.

OK, first off, I am very open-minded and I believe that everyone has the right to an opinion and to share that opinion.  Taking that into consideration, I am totally appalled by what this dude has written.  I can say that because I CARRIED TWO KIDS IN MY BELLY FOR 36 WEEKS.  As a rebuttal, here is what I want to say--

1.  This is NOT about YOU, mister.  She is doing the hard part and don't you ever forget it.  There is no way for me to explain what it's like to tote around two growing babies inside you.  It's scary, uncomfortable and sometimes painful.  It's exhausting; and it's the hardest thing I've ever done.  I'd think it may be comparable to carrying around a 20-pound bowling ball for about four months without ever putting it down, not even to sleep.  There's no going back now; she needs your support now more than ever--not you grumbling about how you wish she wasn't having twins.

2.  Nobody, I mean nobody, could have been more shocked than I was on finding out we were expecting twins.  For God's sake, I was 19.5 weeks along--this is something most people find out much sooner.  We were scared, too.  That's OK.  We were scared we couldn't afford all the formula and diapers...daycare...a bigger house.   It will pass, but something new will always pop up to scare you more.  

3.  Since you already have a kid, you knew what you were getting into.  I'm sorry your child was difficult and doesn't sleep well.  That comes with the territory of parenting.  You will eventually get sleep, it just won't come right away.  You deal with it, just like we do, going to work drop dead tired every single day.  We're still alive.

4.  It takes two very committed parents to take care of twins (plus one), I promise you this.  I can tell this guy isn't going to be much help.  THANK GOD for my superdad husband.  You know what? He changed the twins' first dirty diapers because I was still out cold from anesthesia.  You know what else?  He didn't complain about it.  Just like he never complains about getting only five hours of sleep at night, or not getting to watch SportsCenter or go drinking with the boys.

5.  Sure, having twins is overwhelming at times.  Being outnumbered by your children is difficult, period.  There will be times when you don't have enough hands to accommodate everyone; when one baby is vomiting all  over you while the other is  blowing out diapers.  Believe me, I know.  You'll have to figure out a system to feed both babies at the same time, before they can hold their heads up.  You know what? You will.  There will be times that you are so tired that you can't remember what day it is, or you find your car keys in the refrigerator.

Then the day will come when those same crying, demanding babies beg you to push them on the backyard swing.  They will cry for you to play catch with them, even though they can't catch yet.  And that, my friend, is freaking fantastic.  Those are the moments when all the sleep deprivation, the vomit and poop don't matter anymore.  When your little 2-year-old looks at you and says, "You're my best friend," nothing else matters.  Just wait for it.

6. Is it really fair to say you wish she wasn't having twins? I guess if you are all about being honest with your feelings, good for you.

Look at this:

How can you look at that and say you wished one had a "genetic anomaly?"  Really? That's selfish.  How can you say that you're regretful of getting pregnant?  

Those babies need me.  They need me to love them, take care of them, protect them and teach them how to be good people.  Just like your twins need you, buddy.  Quit whining about it and do your job.

These sweet babies are about to turn three.  I had a perfectly healthy pregnancy, and they never had any problems.  I consider myself lucky to have them and wouldn't change a thing.  Yes, sometimes the fighting, biting and bickering are enough to make me run away...but I never get past the driveway.  They are mine and I love them with all my heart.  I cannot imagine my life without these two little mischievous, ornery, stubborn and precious kiddos.  

And I'm not too chicken to use my real name.


  1. Holy ... wow. What an insensitive jerk that guy is. Dude. There are some things you keep to yourself or talk with a therapist about. Sure, I was freaked out (although honestly Rhonda, if I found out like you did at 19.5 weeks, I would have passed out then freaked out). And yes, carrying twins and parenting them has been the hardest thing I've ever done. But dang. As many of the people who commented on the HP post said, do you know how many couples would take those babies in a heartbeat? And he's complaining? No judgement, no judgement ...

  2. WOW, just WOW! I'm not sure why I'm bawling...maybe because I feel sorry for the little boys about to be born to this jerk or maybe because I am SO proud of how you and Lee have risen to the task of raising your 3 beautiful awesome kids. I know it's not easy. I also know that before you realize it, they will be grown. I'm proud of you for saying you wouldn't change a can't change perfection!

    Love to all...

  3. Bravo, Rhonda! Well said! The poor guy still thinks it's all about him. Maybe he'll grow up with the twins.

    Love you,
    Aunt Pam

  4. I read this aloud to Jonathan as I was reading it for the first time. We couldn't believe that jerk! No wonder he wouldn't give his name! And then we read the rest of your post and both cried. (Shh, don't tell him I told you!) ;) You and Lee are awesome parents to 3 pretty damn awesome kids! I love you and your crazy family. <3


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