Bramell, Party of Five: The Slapstick Comedy Hour

Monday, September 16, 2013

The Slapstick Comedy Hour

Or, alternate title:  The Day My Kid (almost) Ate Poop

First, let me say this:  I don't really like taking my kids to the park. Before you shame me, let me explain.  The park is hard work, y'all!  Sure, the kids like to run and play and climb.  But who really does the hard work? The grown-ups, that's who.  ME.  Oh, I'd love the park if I could sit down and leisurely read a book while they play. But, no.  I have to push the swings (x 3) until my arms turn to jelly.  I have to run from the rock wall to the 8-foot-high ladder thingy to make sure one of my kids doesn't break (another) bone, and I have to make sure the bigger kids aren't being too rough with my little ones.  Three kids climbing on three different contraptions is tough.  I have more fun when Lee comes with us, if only to have two more hands and eyes to keep watch.  But I usually end up taking the kids to the park on Sunday afternoons when Lee is working at open houses.  It keeps me from strangling them at home.  


So, off to the park we go yesterday. The weather was perfect and I needed a stop at Sonic's happy hour.  Which brings me to another issue that we have.  My kids absolutely cannot, EVER--I repeat, EVER handle a Styrofoam cup.  It's borderline ridiculous. 


All the way from the van to the playground, I instruct the kids to be careful not to drop their drinks...because someone always does.  Every. Single. Time.  Boy Twin knows I speak the truth, so he just surrenders and hands me his slush to carry for him.  Smart kid.


Sometime right after Big Sis said to me, "Is that your phone in your shirt?" and I assured her that I didn't have a rectangle boob, she fell down.   Yes, from a standing still position. Just fell flat to her butt, knocking over her nearly-full orange slush.  The lid popped off and it spilled everywhere. But being the crafty mom that I am, I brushed off her butt and secretly poured some of brother's orange slush into her cup.  All good.


After our hour of play time is up, we head back to the van.  Along the way, we stopped for an impromptu photo shoot in a cool-looking tree.  Girl Twin, also knowing how clumsy she is, said "I'm gonna put my Sprite down over here so I won't spill it."  Then, approximately 30 seconds later, she proceeds to walk backwards over it.  Crushed the whole cup.  Thank you, Sonic happy hour. Now I've only wasted two bucks instead of four.

I get Girl Twin directed toward the trash and herd them all to the parking lot.  Here's where it gets real.  As I'm buckling the other kids into their seats, I can't find Girl Twin.  After I yelled her name, she pokes her head into the van, licking her fingers.


Now, I know I didn't bring any snacks to the park this time.  I'm all, "Hey, what are you eating?"  She answers, very calmly, "Chocolate" and holds up her dirty brown fingers for me to inspect.  Oh yes, like you, I'm immediately thinking she's just eaten some poop.  "Sissy, where did you get that," I asked.  "Down there," Big Sis answered for her.  "An almond," Girl Twin also supplied.  


I'm holding my breath as I round the front of the van to the other side.  I need to know what exactly she just put in her mouth.  And, for once, thank GOD she was right.

But yes, she did indeed eat melted chocolate off the parking lot of the park.  And yes, there were almonds.  The end.


  1. Bless her heart, she was hungry after an hour of playing so hard! You should have brought snacks!!! LOL! I love hearing about your adventures (never a dull moment) and seeing the pics. I'm ready to see your crew again, especially Bub since I didn't get to see him when I saw the girls.

    Love to all...

  2. I am dying. You just totally reinforced my decision to avoid the park at all costs!

  3. I could not stop laughing for the entire post! Bless your heart! Oh, the Sonic drink.....They are horrible in the car seat cup holders. They kind of get stuck, and the kids squeeze too hard to pull them out.....Sonic drink explosion.

  4. I seriously hate the park. I took Ting once. It was horrible and we left after about ten minutes. Poor Bug may never know what a park is.


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