Bramell, Party of Five: Yes, This Happened

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Yes, This Happened

You see these kids?

2012 Halloween costumes

They sure are cute, but don't let them fool you. They aren't so innocent; they know how to push my buttons. And, apparently, they know how to attract lots of attention in public restrooms. 

If you are thinking about having children in the near future, you might want to stop reading now. Here goes. *Sigh*

Due to a death in the family, we decided to make a mad dash across the state for a very quick visit with some of my dad's family that we haven't seen in many years, most of whom had never met my children. This was also a day trip with no overnight stay. Possibly mistake No. 1? The traveling was actually pretty painless, but the dinner stop, not so much. 

Because there's only so many chicken nuggets a mom and dad can take, we opted to stop for a "real" dinner on the way home. Possibly mistake No. 2?  We chose an Italian chain restaurant in North Little Rock because the kids usually eat spaghetti pretty good and we needed an easy stop. Yeah, right.  Thankfully, we were seated in a corner booth where we would disturb the least number of other diners while my children took turns standing in the booth and crawling underneath the table. The kids' food was served first; as any parent knows, this is usually a smart move to occupy little hands as quickly as possible. The downside is that by the time the adults' food arrives, the kids are finished and getting restless. The parents then have approximately six minutes to eat before the kids are swinging from the light hanging low over the table. Ahem, Boy Twin.

To give hubby the maximum opportunity to chew his food before swallowing it, I got the bright idea to take all three kids to the bathroom by myself.  Possibly mistake No. 3? Let me just paint you a picture of the next, oh, 20 minutes of my night. 

Look at these kids again. Know that I could never make this up.



Upon entering the bathroom, the kids all start to yell "Echo! Echo! Echo!" because I guess it's fun to hear your voice bouncing off the walls. I'm sure the other ladies in there loved it just as much.  Next, I take them them into the stall with the changing table inside. I already know that Girl Twin has done number two in her diaper because she sat under the table for five minutes while I ate. I put her up on the changing table when Big Sis decides she needs to go. At this point, I also realize that I'm dangerously low on wipes and Girl Twin has done a big job.  Bis Sis gets her pants down to reveal a nice dirty shart in her underwear--fantastic! I'm taking care of Girl Twin, so instruct Big Sis to take off her pants and undies and stay put until I can help her.

During this chaos, Boy Twin is trying to open the lock on the stall while continuing to yell "Echo!" out to the three or four ladies waiting in line.  He then picks up Big Sister's flip flops and throws them at the walls over and over. And into the stall next door. I'm trying really hard not to yell; I mean, I don't want to cause a scene. I'm pretty much hissing at this point.

Once Girl Twin is changed, I'm able to get my hands on the boy. I spanked him for throwing the shoes. Yes, I did. Sue me.  Then he sat in the (dirty, germ infested, public bathroom) floor and threw a fit. I didn't care; at least he quit with the shoes. When I turn my back to trash the dirty underwear, the now-mad boy enlists his evil twin to help him dump out the contents of the entire gigantic diaper bag into the floor. At this point, I'm sweating buckets and about to cry as I throw it all back into the bag.

After Big Sis was clean, I got Boy Twin up on the changing table. Surprise! The trifecta, as we lovingly call it. It was a big one, too. And guess what? Only one wipe left in the package!

I got it done and rushed them out of the stall. I tried not to make eye contact with anyone staring at us as we poured out of the stall we'd occupied for what felt like most of the night. As I'm washing them up at the sink, a lady who I recognize from near our booth says, "Wow, you got to bring them all in here by yourself?" Then, I swear to God, all three of them turned around and gave her the sweetest, most angelic smiles I've ever seen. Like they had no idea why their mama looked like she'd just finished last in a marathon in the middle of July.


6 comments:

  1. Wrong story. Ha! This was really funny.

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  2. After spending 2 nights last week at your house with these "angels", I believe every word word of this.....without the funny stuff. I keep telling you that it will all be over soon. No more poopy diapers to change (just the occasional shart) and they will want less and less of your attention. Then you and hubby will (hopefully) have more time to spend doing the things you love and having conversations that don't include poop.

    Love to all...
    Grammy

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  3. Rhonda, like Grammy said, this too shall pass. I challenge anyone to top that story, lol! I love your little angels so much, and your writing rocks!

    Love and hugs,
    Aunt Pam

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  4. Rhonda! laughing out loud from one mom to the next!!

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  5. you always make me laugh...more fodder for the book!

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